I Waited Two Weeks For You To Update...For This?
I have discovered that persisting to eat those garlic-flavoured chips is akin to gastro-intestinal masochism. With each passing attempt to consume them during my lunch, my stomach has grown increasingly rebellious, nauseous and in all likelihood emo. (If digestive tracts had a MySpace account, I'd have whining poetry to contend with...but at least it wouldn't be Vogon.)
So in short: I am swearing off those garlic-flavoured chips.
But on the plus side, they were nothing like Herbert the Vomit-Inducing And Probably Undercooked Street Dog I had a few days ago. Especially in the Waterloo area, there are hotdog vendors selling their wares on the sidewalks. And I'm not sure why I was deemed to be the butt of the cosmic joke du jour, but after 3-4 hours of eating that hotdog, unpleasantness ensued. Repeatedly.
At the risk of going into rather graphic medical-sounding detail, it's been a long time since I've gotten to the point where all I have left to offer the good ol' porcelain god is bland stomach acid. And I'm really hoping that doesn't happen again for a very very long time, such as forever.
In other news, I have a slight issue with the weather as of late. Not that it's been too humid, nor hot nor rainy. Quite the contrary, in fact. Why is it that whenever thunderstorms develop and rage across the skies...I don't get to see any of them?
In the last year, I have been able to see perhaps one, maybe two, of the many thunderstorms this area has experienced. Half the time I'm stuck in the store on a solo shift, and at best I can look up at the mall skylights & marvel at how black the clouds are. But do I get to see all that spectacular lightning? Nope. And the thunder? It just sounds like a hiccup in maintenance's scissor lift.
To add to the insult, the weather fronts actually seem to chance radically between where I work and where I live. And this is where the vile thunderstorm conspiracy becomes blatantly obvious. Across town at work, it could be a clear, mild day. At the apartment, it's pouring down rain and lightning is causing Shady to cower behind the toilet. But once my shift's done...sorry, that storm has moved on.
And if I'm at home and able to stand out on the balcony and enjoy the lightshow...we get rain and that's it. Menawhile, off in the far distance I can see the black stormclouds and hear the thunder rumbling ominously. But does the storm swing this way? Nope, it veers off, as if my body odour was somehow that bad as to completely displace weather patterns.
(Hmmm...I wonder if I could promote that idea into an
Axe deoderant spray commercial?)
I swear, they've formed a fraternity with the single purpose of keeping me from enjoying their show. Like a
No Homers club, except they probably allow Homers in this one. Just not me. (The Evidence Mice are somehow behind this, mark my words!)
I'm not asking for much, just the chance to see some really cool thunderstorms every now and again. And now that I've said this, knowing my luck I'll get to witness one right after a tornado rips the roof off the mall. But not to worry, I've got my emergency goggles for such a thing.
In the meanwhile, the Project makes good progress, Mel is pleased to be cheating on me with Link, and if all fares well I can finally indulge my inner geek and see the
Transformers movie in the next day or two.
Today's Lesson: DVDs inevitably go on mega-sales when you have no money, if not the for the sole purpose of taunting you with their sudden low-purchasing ability that you still can't afford.
Labels: gastro-intestinal masochism, the conspiracy where thunderstorms go off without me
posted by Phillip at 10:23 PM
